Being shy isn’t a bad quality. Some people are not wired to be extroverts and that’s fine. It just isn’t in their DNA. In fact, more people are introverted than extroverted. According to shyness expert, Dr. Bernardo Carducci, (Director of the Shyness Research Institute) about 45% of Americans are considered shy.
However, being painfully shy can rob children of opportunities in life as well as in making friends. Maybe you’re not shy, but are the parent of a shy child. Trying to draw out a shy child can be frustrating, especially if you’re an extrovert and don’t understand shy people. Here are some tips for helping a child become more assertive and extroverted...
Uncover the Reason(s) for Shyness
First, find out why your child is shy. A child may be shy for a variety of reasons. He (or she) may feel self-conscious because he lacks verbal skills. Make sure your child has been tested for any verbal problems, as well as other learning disabilities. This will also be helpful once he starts school.
Teach Basic Social Skills
Start early teaching your preschooler basic social skills.
- Teach telephone manners – Give your child opportunities to use the telephone. When it rings, encourage him to answer saying, “Good morning, Jones residence. May I help you?”
- Form play groups – If your child isn’t old enough to go to school, seek out other preschoolers to create a play group. Look for compatible kids whom you think would be good companions for him.
Children learn more from examples than from what you tell them. That’s why it’s important that you, as a parent, be a positive role model.
- Attend social functions – When attending a social event, make it a habit of being the first person to greet people. Say “hello”, introducing yourself with a warm smile that invites conversation. Then motion to your child and smile as if to say, “Now you introduce yourself.”
- Give compliments – Let your child see you give genuine compliments to others. However, by all means, be sincere. Look for ways to make others feel better. Chances are if your child sees that your kindness brings a smile, then he may want to follow suite.
- Show friendliness – Be friendly at all times, and not just when you’re at a social gathering. Greet the mail carrier, grocery clerk, etc. Make social etiquette a part of your normal routine. Of course, use moderation, showing discretion, not overdoing it. At the same time, stress the importance of not talking to strangers, as this poses a danger.
- Be assertive – For example, if you’re eating at a restaurant and the server doesn’t get your order right, then politely tell him (or her). When unsure as to how something works, don’t be afraid to ask a sales clerk to demonstrate a product.
- Ask questions/speak up – Let your child see you speak up in public, asking questions or stating your opinion when you don’t agree with something.
What If You’re Shy?
If you, yourself, are a shy person yourself, don’t worry. Share with your child how you also have to work at being more assertive. You don’t have to put on an act if you’re also basically introverted. You can carry out these suggestions, but don’t have to force yourself to be someone you’re not.
Again, remember that shyness is not a bad trait. Also, realize that your child may not be shy, but just quiet. It’s only when his introversion gets in the way of happiness and missed opportunities that it needs adjusting.
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